The daily prompt asks this oft-asked question: Do you hold grudges or do you believe in forgive and forget? and I’m gonna answer both questions here. Because even if I don’t “forgive and forget”, that doesn’t mean I’m”holding a grudge”. A grudge, by definition, means that I’m harboring a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury — according to the dictionary. Meaning that I constantly hold this feeling in my heart against a person and let that feeling overwhelm me every time that person enters my thoughts. Man, that’s just too much work. Screw that noise. I don’t have time for all that. Besides, in order to hold I grudge, I’d have to hold on to past thoughts. Horde them like precious coins, and bring them out to shine them and count them again and again. I can’t even conceive of holding on to hatred like that. Hell, I can’t even hang on to things let alone thoughts. It’s not my way, and it’s way easier to let that stuff go.
I’m more of a Live in the Now person. as anyone who’s read this blog for any length of time knows. I don’t need all of that junk from the past cluttering up my life. I mean, it’s just too exhausting to hang on to it. And to hold a grudge means to bring a lot of luggage from the past with you into the present. Yeah, not gonna do that. However, does that mean I “forgive and forget” as the prompt asks? Hell no I don’t have to forgive and forget. Screw that noise too. Just because I’m not simmering in hate or disdain for someone or harboring a persistent feeling of ill will towards them for a past injury or insult doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven them. And! even if I do forgive someone for something they’ve done to me in the past, doesn’t mean I’ll forget they’ve done me a grievous wrong. What’s the saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Yeah, I’ll forgive all I want, but doesn’t mean I’ll forget. Okay, I’ll probably forget, because that’s the kind of mind I have. I mean, depends on how deep the cut I was dealt was — I’ll probably never forget my psycho ex for example — but smaller wrongs? Yeah… I’ll probably forget those. But am I holding a grudge against the psycho ex? Nah. He only comes up because he is a part of my past and therefore a part of what made me who I am today.
Seriously, holding a grudge — to me — is exhausting. It takes a lot of time and effort to be that angry at someone. If someone has done me that much harm, then I simply cut them out of my life for good. It’s so much easier than allowing them to take up residence in my brainpan. Take the psycho ex for example (because he’s a good example). I could sit here and blame him for everything that’s happening in my life, but why? His actions were only the catalyst to where I am today. Everything that happened after that night has been a result of my choices and nothing else. Did he force me into a position to make those choices? Yep, but that’s a part of life. I don’t forgive him for being a psychotic asshole, but I can hardly sit here and hate him every day for being what his is and doing what he did. I have better things to do — even if it’s stare at the walls or watch the grass grow. I’ve known people who blame others for everything that goes wrong in their life. I’ve had people blame me for everything that goes wrong in their life. Blame me because of something I did decades ago. Blame me for something I’ve apologized and attempted to make amends for. But, you know what? People who hold grudges don’t want amends, they want to hold on to that feeling of hate and discontent. They must like it. It releases them from blame and responsibility for their own lives. So let them blame me; I can’t change them. As the saying goes — Not my circus, not my monkeys.