The daily prompt is asking us to tell about our “funniest relationship disaster story”. Okay, I’ll play. I dunno if this is the funniest, and it wasn’t necessarily a disaster, but I found it amusing.
So, before the advent of OKCupid and eHarmony, and all of those other myriad online dating sites that are out there, dating online was pretty hit and miss. I mean, nowadays one can find a website that’s targeted to pretty much any lifestyle and find their “match” there. I mean, seriously, there are dating sites for Christians (or any religion really), for “farm” folk, for Cougars (second definition) and the gender opposite the Rhino. For for kinky people, for non kinky people. Whatever your pleasure is, there’s a dating site for you. But back in the day, we’d just log on to any ol’ chat site and just… chat. ICQ was a biggie where I lived, and the little “uh-oh” sound — which informed me that there was a new instant message waiting for me to read — was often heard in my living room. Yahoo messenger was also pretty popular, but not as streamlined. So anyway, I talked a lot on IM engines and weeded my way through the pervs and the assholes looking for love… or at the very least, a short, but meaningful romance. Plus, having these chat engines was new and exciting. Who would I talk to today? Where were they from? Sometimes I just wanted to, you know, talk. Now that it’s all gone to video, chats have lost their flavor, I’m not as enamored with them as I used to be.
Anyway, that’s how I met and started chatting with two men from North Africa who were living in my town. I’ll call them Rafi and David. Now, David was really just looking for a fling, and I kinda knew that. He and I had a lot of… heated… conversations online. Mostly heavy flirting but we never got down to anything serious. Rafi and I, on the other hand were getting serious. We were looking for the real thing, he wanted to meet and get to know each other. He seemed, online, to be a very intelligent, well spoken, nice man. So I agreed to meet him for coffee. And we met. OMG, dear reader, I’m not a shallow person, but poor Rafi… he wasn’t good looking. He had no upper lip to speak of, and it disappeared completely when he smiled, and his stomach was soooo big. Now, I’m no beauty queen myself, so I don’t judge, but I like lips. But he did smile at me and his eyes were dreamy. And then we started talking… And we talked. And we talked. And we kept on talking. Coffee turned in to lunch at a nearby restaurant, which turned into dinner at the same restaurant. Seriously, we never left the table. They changed shifts around us. We paid for lunch and tipped the waitress before ordering dinner. Then finally, six hours later, we went back to his place for more coffee. And while we were sitting on his couch, still talking, guess who walked in? You guessed it. David.
I wasn’t completely floored by this, however, because when we first came into Rafi’s place I glanced around and noticed a picture on one of the tables. It was the same picture that David had sent me of himself while we were chatting. Standard procedure back in the day before video became popular. I said to Rafi, “I didn’t know you had a roommate.” And he mentioned that yes, he was renting a room from David. David however, was caught completely off guard to see me (I’d sent him a picture too) and Rafi sitting calmly on the couch sipping coffee. But he recovered quickly and greeted me kindly. He did whisper into my ear not to say anything, and I told him I wasn’t stupid. Then we all sat down and chatted until David’s wife (we’ll call her Mary) walked in. That’s right, dear reader, the one who was only looking for sex was a cad and a bounder. I’ll admit, Mary was something of a mess, but that doesn’t excuse David’s behavior at all.
Needless to say, we stopped our flirting online and off. But seriously, we all became pretty good friends because I started dating Rafi after that. This story has a sad ending though, Mary died about four months later when she fell into a diabetic coma after a bender (second definition — told you she was a mess). David joined the Army soon afterwards and was transferred out of the area. Rafi and I… well we had something, something special, but life got in the way, and there are some obstacles that just cannot be overcome no matter how much you want to. We parted on friendly terms and went our separate ways. Do I miss him? Not really. He’s in the past after all, and I have my current husband whom I love. I do smile about this whole first meeting when I think about it because had any of our personalities been any different, things could have gone very, very wrong. I am glad that Mary never knew of my flirtations with David because yeah… very, very wrong.
Just for fun, the song from the title. Not the original artist, but he sings it well — I think.
Sammy Kershaw — Third Rate Romance