It’s not a deep dark secret or anything like that. But after all, I’ve opened up to you about a few weird things about me, why not another?
I have this odd quirk that I realized about myself about… oh, a year or so ago.
I can’t clean if someone else is around. I have trouble doing much of anything crafty or productive (like working in the yard) if I think anyone is watching me. That’s why I did so well in the cubicle farm, walls all around and no eyes upon me. I did better when I had my own office. But if anyone was watching… I was so unproductive.
So if the hubby is around, nothing is getting clean. This also seems to be the case if someone else is in the other room. Which is why my house is in such a state of disrepair at the moment. Because my tenant has always had someone in her place, like, all day, every day, since the day she moved in. I don’t know these people and I don’t want to be cleaning house if there’s a chance — however unlikely — that they’re going to walk in and catch me knee deep in soap suds. Not going to happen. And so, my house has slowly but surely sunk into a state of disorganized chaos. It’s not hoarder-like mess, but it’s far from the clean that I’m used to. It will never be the clean that some people have, I’m never going to be that organized. But it is kinda messy, and it’s making me twitch.
I had no problems cleaning in front of my kids when they were kids, but as they got older, they damned well better be cleaning with me and not watching me clean. Homey don’t play that game. If I wanted an audience, I’d often tell them, I’da sold tickets. Get off your butts and get to stepping. And I think that’s part of my problem there. I don’t clean when my husband’s around because he is more than happy to watch me clean (or watch television while I clean) until I blow up and demand that he get off is happy ass and help me clean this mess, thank you very much. But then when he tries to help, he’s so hopeless at cleaning that I blow up again and tell him to get out of my way because you’re DOING IT wrong! Poor guy, it’s not his fault he never learned how to clean. He just never learned. But, I really don’t like it when I’m cleaning and someone else… isn’t. So it’s just easier not to.
Anyway, I don’t know how to overcome this weirdness. I’ve tried just saying, “Screw it! I can’t stand this mess anymore!” and just cleaning… but it makes me anxious. I get a little done, but in the end I wind up more exhausted than I should be for just a little cleaning. I can’t explain why I’m anxious other than I’m just worried that someone’s going to interrupt me while I’m cleaning and I don’t like that idea. It’s kind of like when someone interrupts me when reading a book…
Don’t you ever interrupt me while I’m reading a book! >_<
Anyway, I get into a groove when I’m cleaning. It’s not just something that’s clean a bit here and clean a bit there. No, if I’m gonna clean, I’m gonna clean, and it starts at one end of the room and goes to the other then into the next room and the next. Or it could start with me rinsing out a dish and next thing you know the place looks like someone committed a neatness. You never know. Things get clean when I get around to cleaning. And if someone interrupts when I’m cleaning, it throws off my groove and makes me just give up on the whole cleaning thing for the day — the week — the month/year. Whatever. Since there’s always someone in the tenant’s unit, there’s always the chance that someone will interrupt me. Even if there’s the slightest chance, I can’t get into a cleaning groove. I can’t. I’ve tried. Every noise they make in there makes my mind go, “This is it, here it comes.” And thing just don’t get done. It’s pretty annoying.
I’m pretty sure that’s why I stopped reading and knitting since we got a tenant too. Ha! That explains a lot. Ah well. Good thing is that they’re gone soon and I learned my lesson. It took me years before I could knit, sew, and read with the hubby around. I just have to pass over that cleaning bump and we’ll be good.
So there you have it. Another weird thing about me y’all never wanted or needed to know. But it feels good to share it. ^_^ And with 7 billion people on the planet, I’m betting I’m not the only one who feels this way. Ha!