I turned off my Facebook today. Temporarily for now — I deactivated my account instead of permanently deleting it. But who knows what the future holds? I might delete it permanently. We’ll see. For those who don’t know, deactivating the account will “erase” my account from Facebook but keep it in the archives. If I change my mind, I can go back online and reactivate it relatively easily. If I find that I don’t miss it, I’ll go back and delete it. I chose to deactivate my account because I’ve found myself over the past year participating in conversations that I honestly don’t need or want to participate in, but I can’t help myself. The impulse to engage has been almost a compulsion. Like, if only I could explain how this person I barely know — or in some cases don’t know at all — if only I could explain how they’re seeing the world wrong, then they’ll understand and see things my way. But, even as I’m making my case… I know that won’t work, because no one will ever see the world my way. Even I change my point of view from time to time. I’ve stopped myself from participating in these conversations by and large, but the compulsion is still there. Also, it just got to be too much. Too much on all sides. The blame, the finger pointing, the Monday morning quarterbacking, and not just about this election but about everything. I get it, people want to be heard, and those who shout the loudest and most often are heard the most — they believe. But damn, the din was just too much. I’m tired. So tired. My head is swimming from it all. And so, I turned the noise off.
We’ll see if I can keep it off.
I used to think that Facebook was a platform to keep in touch with friends and family, but it’s not true. Yeah, I have friends and family on Facebook, and we do talk to each other. It’s okay for that, but it comes at too high of a price lately. Because Facebook has over time become — more than anything else — a soapbox for people to proclaim their personal beliefs in a vain hope that they can change the world. A soapbox that I’ve used myself because, hey, it was there. But I’ve come to realized we cannot change the world if everyone is shouting at the same time. All we create is a cacophony where nothing is heard. And I never really wanted to changed the world anyway. I just wanted to be heard, and make people smile. But my voice, like everyone else’s, was lost in the crowd’s. And this past year it’s been nothing but finger pointing, “What has the world come to?” Doom and gloom and “Who’s to blame for all of this? It can’t be me. It’s never me.” Anyway, I turned it off. I can’t deal with it anymore. I’ll keep blogging here so long as the noise stays as quiet as it is. I have a few followers and one or two people who comment, and that’s cool with me. This is a personal blog that I use to keep myself sane and connect with the world outside of my window. I’m not trying to change the world. I just… I dunno… want to make my little corner of it the best I can make it, and if my little corner includes this blog, well… that’s okay too.
Edited to add: My husband reminded me that if I deactivate my Facebook account, he doesn’t get notified of when I post a blog here. And some people got incredibly worried, so I reactivated it and just logged off so people know I’m still alive (they’ll get notifications when I post here). It’s a compromise.